I sat in Yinka's kitchen with my fingers clamped tightly together and my elbows jabbing into the table. It was an odd moment really, one I'd been waiting for for about sixteen years. Yet now that it was here, I wasn't quite ready for it. The words came excitedly out of my mouth. "I'm ready," I said, and made a point of looking directly at my pastor and friend, "I'm ready to go into full-time ministry."
I love Yinka. A lot of people would have expected him to do a little dance and punch the air, or shout "Yes!" and then call Fiona in from the living room. But he didn't do any of that. He blinked and then in a very measured way, smiled and told me how excited he was.
Excited. There's a word. Like an electron hit by a laser-beam, jumping out of its skin. That's how I feel about it, absolutely. But I have to say, I'm also incredibly scared. And I think that's what makes this such a thrilling adventure; that heady mix of excitement and uncertainty, danger and confidence.
Dara ran in and started singing the 'church song' and I laughed. He calls me 'Map'. It's funny how some of those songs have touched so many different people. I have a funny feeling there are a lot more to come.
I'm hoping that as God leads me on this great adventure, he will do some incredible things. I know it won't be easy, and I know there are times coming which will test everything in me - but I am up for that. God has shown me really clearly that this is the right time and this is the right moment to go for it.
So, you might be asking. What exactly is next?
Well first I have to leave my job. If I do this well, without anybody getting annoyed or going weird on me, it will be something of a miracle. That's Tuesday's mission - more on that next time.
Then I have to arrange some time to plan with Yinka. And I have to spend a lot of time praying. There are some big things to sort out.
Thankfully, my parents were thrilled when I told them. They asked me "What do you think you'd be expecting from us?" and I was so so happy to be able to bless them for supporting me through all my struggles. "Just a place to escape to every now and then, and your prayers," I said. My Mum smiled and her eyes twinkled. Then for the first time in a long time, we all prayed together.
Here we go then. It all starts here. Steady stable career with a guaranteed source of monthly income? Over-rated.
Adventure with God, doing what I was born to do?
Bring
it
on!
It's finally time to switch off the clock and start living by the compass...
Friday, August 28, 2009
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